The Happiness Litmus

Almost 30 (well, not until August) and I find it hard to believe that these things still bother me.

I’m not one for coyness, nor am I one to diminish ones show of emotions to spare another’s. I am not blunt, nor am I too soft-spoken. I am merely honest, and never with the intent to hurt another.

I have realized, however awkwardly, that as I navigate through life, I am going to meet people that do not like me. I have also realized that on occasion, there will be a great many who count themselves one of that population. It seems to come with the “advocating for change” territory. It doesn’t seem that many people desire to be faced with “solutions” when said solution requires any substantial change in anything that the general population has grown accustomed to.

I do not do what I do to garner further public approval as a public seat is not necessarily on my itinerary. I pursue change, particularly in disability rights and health care rights, because I believe that change can happen. I also believe that people, when properly educated, will make the right decision about disability and health care rights. My challenge is getting the education regarding these topics to the people. My greater challenge is getting someone (anyone) to care enough to listen.

My final challenge is dealing with those people already in my life (although, perhaps not by any choice of my own) that question what I do, my values, and dislike me because of them. I would like to believe it is because they are uneducated. I would love to educate them, but unfortunately certain venues are inappropriate for what can be viewed as “partisan” education.

What is my solution? In my round-about discussion here concerning relationships with others (not necessarily those close to me) and my dissatisfaction at their present status, I have stated no solution, and I fear there is none. There will always be those who dislike me, and there will always be those who think I am wrong. The true test of my character is what I do in the face of that dislike, and how I deal with those who disagree with me. But this is not a character test, no, but a happiness litmus.

I’ve found, minus a solution, a certain comfort in my own understanding of myself. I have also found a certain comfort in Bob’s perception of me (and his love of me.) I value the people I hold dear, who despite my thundering soap box moments and my riveting speeches demanding change, reciprocate my feelings and value me as I value them. Joy, I guess I have found, is not found in those who find reason to dislike me, but more often in those who love me most. So, as my solution, I burrow my nose in Bob’s neck, and nuzzle a Sandis and Gracie, all the while talking on the phone to my mom and sister. For although I have those who would throw rocks, there are many who hold me dear.