In the Mail

Not long ago I was struggling with the decision to leave my second job. I struggled with the decision as it meant cutting a cold, hard 250 bucks of room out of my budget. 250 bucks I just didn’t have. With that cold, hard fear next to my heart I decided to put in my notice. I did it without knowing where the money was going to come from. I did it with strained hope in God’s power to provide. I set my fear aside so it was not the primary determinant of my decision, and I made a choice I had to make.

Yesterday after therapy, I was so tired. It was family fun night at Sandis’s school but I had to let the kids down because I just couldn’t do it. The exhaustion was heavy on my lids and heavy in my shoes. I couldn’t even make dinner. I took an extra 20 and ordered pizza. I was heavy in heart. Heavy in spirits. Heavy all over.

In my mail came a small envelope from the United States Treasury, located in Kansas City, MO? Whatever. Wherever it is located. I was thinking my taxes were automatically deposited in my savings account. It looked like a check. I thought maybe there was some weird tax refund I didn’t know about that they’d just take right back next year around tax time. Inside was a check for over $1500 dollars and it bore my name, Sandis’s name, and the words SSI. We were approved. No letter. No phone call. Just a check. Is this how it works?

As I opened my apartment door my hands were shaking. Tears were forming in the corner of my eyes.

A friend of mine said last night: “Well, In an ideal situation Sandis wouldn’t need that.”

But we do. We do.