So, last week with the bronchitis tying up the first half of the week and my general laziness with the addition of increased work hours trying to make up all that time I missed, I did not exercise ONCE. GAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!. I try to keep the running thing right up at the forefront of things that MUST be done, but last week, I just didn’t. Not running while sick is of course understandable. I mean, I felt as though I were at death’s door, and I very well may have been were it not for the wonders of AUGMENTIN (I’ll spare you the details of the not-so-wondrous qualities of augmentin…). But not running while healthy, with my only excuse being I was “tired” is just ridiculous. So…..
I hit the pavement tomorrow, and Im almost dreading it. Sometimes those first runs back after a small break are FABULOUS and sometimes they really really SUCK really extremely badly. It doesn’t help that I feel like a blimpo and everytime I picture myself running Im picturing jiggling, jostling fat piles and I see only the things I hate about myself in my mind.
It is so excruciatingly easy to fall off the exercise wagon! Why is that? I love to run! I think that for me the big change in schedule is causing me some motivation problems. Sometimes, fighting the half asleep I don’t want to wake up yet vibes is damn near impossible. Its different from struggling with whether or not Im up to exercise all day, because I am completely awake and more acutely aware of how I will feel about myself if I DON’T run. While still asleep, this is less evident! When I wake up Im KICKING myself for resetting the alarm. Ahhh well, all I can do is keep trying. Failure in this just is NOT an option.
Why do my personal ideas of what I eat, how I eat, my body image, my exercise patterns, have to be so screwed up? I mean, I think for a large portion of the time I have fairly healthy ideas, but I beat the heck out of myself if I fall off the wagon for a short time. I feel so strongly that I need to take responsibility for the choices Ive made in my life and make, and the results those choices give me, that I don’t have the ability to forgive myself for making rotten ones! (and why is not exercising for a week equated to ROTTEN in my mind??!!!)
I KNOW that big goals are reached by reaching very small goals daily. DAILY. Before you know it, you look up and you have changed, you are perceived differently, and you perceive yourself differently. But there is always the ability to back track. Falling into old habits can be comfortable and very easy to do. I can’t allow myself to find comfort in old habits. So maybe I am hard on myself. Maybe Im just doing what I need to do to get my butt jiggling on the pavement again for my morning run. We’ll see, and tomorrow, after my run, I’ll be patting myself on the back rather than feeling rotten for missing yet another day!
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1 comment:
It is all too easy to not do it. BUT - like you say, you'll be kicking yourself for skipping it.
Although - a brief rest is needed every once in a while! I'm thinking you'll feel GREAT for your first run back - a spring in your step and all that jazz.
Fight off those demons of negativity - THOSE are really not justified after only a week off.
:-)
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