Health care is a basic human right, not a privilege. For some reason, we’ve allowed ourselves as Americans to be fooled into accepting that one must be blessed with “means” to actuate appropriate health care. As a nation we have failed to realize that our health care system is a barometer of our society’s value for human life.


Friday, January 05, 2007

Best Friend Needed............Please Apply Within

“Mom, Gage doesn’t go to my school anymore. I don’t have any friends anymore, he went to his old school.”

He is trying to be brave. He is holding his face up in normal alignment. He is trying to be brave.

I talked to Sandis’s teacher on Tuesday about this. She said he had had a really tough day, and that his best friend had gone back to his old school. Sandis’s ONLY friend. Gage is the little boy who waits with him while he takes the extra time he needs to move from one thing to another. Gage is the little boy who so patiently waits, without judging, through Sandis’s frustrations and tantrums. Reliable Gage. My sons friend. Gone.

I asked Sandis about Gage leaving yesterday and he said Gage still went to his school. This morning his story is different.

“Oh, baby.” I say.

I feel my face fall. I feel tears fill my ears. I know that I can not hold my face in normal alignment. I know I can’t hide how much this hurts me. Sandis sees me and his face falls as well. His hands go up to hide his tears and he sobs “I miss him so much, mom. I don’t want to be alone. I miss him so much.”

Sandis and I pray. We pray to God that he will watch over Gage and help him know how much Sandis misses and loves him. We pray that Gage will find new friends at his new school easily. Then we pray for Sandis. We pray that God helps Sandis find a new special friend at his school. My son sobs. Sandis’s cries are not wails, they are defeated, mewling sobs. The sound is heart-wrenching.

I encourage Sandis to seek a new friend, and I tell him how awesome and fun of a little boy he is. I tell him how lucky his new friend will be to have him as a friend.

Inside I know how hard it will be to find that new best friend for Sandis. I know that this friendship was carefully supported and enforced by his teacher. You can not engineer love, but if not for the staff at Sandis’s school the kind and shy little Gage may never have paired off with my exuberant and boisterous Sandis. I have a whole lot of trust to place in God and in the staff at Sandis’s school that they will make similar efforts in helping Sandis to pair off with another child. I hope there is a child that is pining for the energy and love that Sandis has to give.


Amberthyme said...

I am so glad that Sandis's teacher encourages the buddy system. I hope that she already has somebody in mind. I know it won't be the same as having Gage but a new buddy may help a little bit. Change is so hard for little guys and it's hard enough for NT children losing a best friend. I know you'll be giving Sandis extra hugs during this time be sure to stop and get some extra hugs for yourself too.

Anonymous said...

I hope so, too. What a great kid.

Maddy said...

The buddy system is great, but the 'friend' business is just such a nightmare. Senior does have friends, junior 'says' he has friends but it can be anyone from the bus driver to someone in a shop.
I don't know which is worse - forming friendships that terminate, or not having the 'capability' of forming them in the first place?
Either way, as the 'onlooker/mum' I particularly squirm on reading your post. Thinking of you dearie.

Not Your Type 1 said...

This broke my heart. Thank God for wonderful little kids.

Molly said...

I'm crossing my fingers and toes that Sandis finds his special friend.

Major Bedhead said...

How heartbreaking. I hope Sandis finds a new friend. Is there any way he can keep in touch with Gage outside of school?

Sarah said...

Thanks all for your kind comments about Sandis! At home with this has seemed to have brought out a lot of aggression and circular thinking with Sandis and we are all struggling to help Sandis find a way to deal with all the feelings he has surrounding this. It is nice to write about it and share with others.

Gage has been having a lot of family problems, according to Sandis's teacher. I've attempted to get in contact with them through notes in backpacks, that sort of thing, but no such luck. Either they don't get the messages or they don't return calls. Gage has a whole heck of a lot of stuff on his plate right now, which makes me sad. Five and six year olds shouldn't HAVE stuff on their plate that is adult type stuff.

Bernard said...


Just read this post tonight. I'm so sorry that Sandis's friend moved to a different school.

I do hope that Sandis finds someone else he can be friends with. My heart breaks for him.