Sometimes things just don’t go the way you expect. Sometimes what you least expect happens in a way that you, well, least expect it to.
Often I have touched upon the mortality of us all. Our ultimate mortality. The fact that eventually all of us will die. It seems such a hard truth to keep, such a hard truth to believe. Why is that? Why am I shocked when death colors my atmosphere or fringes the edges of my vision?
I had a message on my cell phone this morning. A message from my son’s father left at around midnight his time. He asked me to call him back and said it was important, and I’m wondering what could be so important that he calls me at midnight. What could be so important after eight years of limited contact at best?
Sandis’s biological father is ill. Open heart surgery and four heart attacks ill. Not what I expected. For whatever it is, I have no idea what I expected.
He will be having open heart surgery in the next month in either Boston or Minnesota. (He lives in New York). How do I feel about this? I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t sad, but I am sad for reasons that have very little to do with the short relationship we had many many years ago and everything to do with my Sandis. My beautiful boy who I do not want to process this. My beautiful boy that I hope death will never touch. My beautiful boy who does not know and may never meet this “dad”.
I am expecting another call from Sandis’s biological father this evening, but I have to say…….I’m not necessarily looking forward to this journey. Not one bit.
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3 comments:
Life is constantly throwing challenges at us to see what more we can learn and handle. I am sure there are things to learn in this whole experience for you though they might not be obvious right now.
The fact that you love your kid so much that you care what happens to his father is commendable. I do not think you have to feel bad about your emotions about the person. Those are not always in your control.
I will be thinking of you as things progress. You sound like such a strong person, and I know you will handle this whole situation with grace and respect and the mother you are.
My beautiful boy does not know and may never meet his father either but if something happened to him I would be sad as well, sad for him and for Griffin. I do understand that you are not looking forward to the journey, I wouldn't be either. Wishing you the best and hoping that everything turns out okay especially for Sandis whether he meets his biological father or not. Hoping that this whole situation doesn't cause stress in your life but if it does I know that you will cope with it with dignity and grace. You are a strong woman and I admire that in you. Hang in there. ~Hugs~
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